


holding your paper heart

by selenedaydreams



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: 5 Times, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-31
Updated: 2016-01-31
Packaged: 2018-05-17 12:39:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5869921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/selenedaydreams/pseuds/selenedaydreams
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's not always hard and rough, sometimes it's slow and tender. Sometimes it's almost love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	holding your paper heart

**Author's Note:**

> While I do like the hate sex dynamic that this ship exudes, I also couldn't help wondering about the flip side, about softer moments between these two, so that's how this fic was born.

It starts as an absentminded gesture.

Ren is writhing beneath him, breathing harshly into the hollow of his neck and whispering his name in a way that always turns him on more than it probably should.

Hux reaches out without much care and it takes him a few moments to realize that their hands are now joined together, fingers intertwined. Before he’s able to pull away, Ren tightens his grip and it’s too late then.

From the way Ren continues moaning his name and bucking his hips, it’s obvious that he’s not aware of what has just happened and doesn’t realize that suddenly this is far more intimate than it was ever supposed to be.

Kissing had been off limits at some point too and yet here they are, lips pressed together in a kiss that has lost its edge a long time ago.

Pretending that this is nothing more than stress relief seems almost absurd now but it doesn’t mean that Hux will admit that it is anything else. He snaps his hips just a little rougher to prove this point but it backfires immediately when Ren just seems to cling closer to him, adamant about not letting go of his hand.

Hux should pull away, every rational part of his brain is telling him to pull away but he brings their joined hands to his lips and kisses Ren’s knuckles instead.

* * *

 

The medbay showers leave much to be desired but despite the stark and overt medical atmosphere, at least they’re clean and wide enough to accommodate them both.

Ren had refused help too many times for Hux to keep track off, waving off the medbots that were only trying to do their jobs and prevent Ren from further injuring himself. There were still bandages on his face, covering his right eye and impairing his vision. At least that’s the excuse Hux clings to.

It hadn’t been as much reasoning as Hux dragging Ren out of his bed and into the showers. He’s careful of the bandages, making sure that the water spray isn’t anywhere near Ren’s face and it’s only when Hux’s hands find Ren’s hips that they become acutely aware of the fact that they’re both naked and standing just a little too close.

Ren is silent, eyes fixed on some far away point as he lets Hux do what he must. Bickering would at least give them some semblance of normalcy but it would also be futile. They have crossed into a territory from which there is no turning back.

When Ren slips, feet suddenly sliding on the tiles, Hux tightens his grip on him almost immediately, keeping him from falling as their chests collide with a wet smack.

“It’s okay, I’ve got you.” Hux hears himself say as his fingers tangle into Ren’s damp hair in a comforting gesture.

Ren slumps against him, holding onto Hux for support as he sighs, bitter and frustrated, into his shoulder. No comment comes though, no cutting remark, just deep breaths that Hux can feel in hot puffs against his skin.

When it seems that Ren is okay again, at least okay for now, Hux moves to grip his hips once again before he sinks down to his knees in one swift move. Ren looks down at him in mild confusion but he doesn’t ask him to stand or stop, for that matter. Instead, his hands settle on Hux’s shoulders, thumbs moving slowly, and it’s all the permission Hux needs before going to work, starting first by pressing kisses to the insides of his thighs.

If there are tears sliding down Ren’s cheeks by the end, well, they both pretend it’s just water.

* * *

 

Things digress from there.

Once Ren has been discharged from medbay, he returns to his duties immediately, donning his robes and mask as if living without them had been a heavy burden to bear.

Hux doesn’t mention it and soon enough things fall back into place almost the same way they had been before the awakening. Everything is not the same, of course, Ren is more focused than before, more determined to crush the Resistance, driving away any hesitation or weakness with intense training.

“He’s overcompensating.” Phasma tells him one morning as they make their rounds. She’s gotten bolder lately, making more comments that in the past would have earned her a harsh glare. Not that she had ever been fazed by that response.

“He has nothing to overcompensate for.”

There’s something akin to laugher from beneath the reflective mask. “Lust has made you blind.”

Hux doesn’t dignify that with a response, excusing himself instead because he has more important matters to attend to that don’t involve such vulgar remarks.

It doesn’t mean that he stops thinking about Phasma’s words. He runs them through his head over and over again until they guide him to Ren’s quarters later that night.

“What is it?” Despite the fact that Ren’s voice is distorted by the mask, Hux can tell that he is tired and if he were a good person he would leave him alone but he steps inside without an invitation instead.

“You have been pushing yourself since the battle.” His back is turned to Ren as he speaks, eyes surveying the room. “Why?”

“You’re out of line, General.”

“You’re overcompensating.” He echoes Phasma’s words as he turns around to face him and it almost sounds like their old fights.

“Leave.” It’s almost a growl and in the past Hux would have probably obliged out of trite politeness but not now.

He bridges the gap between them, stepping closer to Ren. “You don’t actually want me to leave.”

They’re close enough that if Hux wanted to, he could reach out to him, could fist his hands into the layers of his black clothing. He doesn’t though. His fingers find the clasps of Ren’s mask instead, undoing them with expert precision and letting it fall to the ground with a heavy thud.

It occurs to him then that this is the first time he’s seen Ren’s face without the bandages. He tries not to stare but curiosity takes over and he can’t help but look at the still healing scar extending from Ren’s cheek to his forehead. Despite its size, it doesn’t take away from Ren’s beauty, in fact, in some twisted way it actually enhances it. It makes him stand out.

“Is this why you have shut me out?” Hux asks, reaching out for his hand.

There’s a brief moment of hesitation that explains far more than Ren’s answer ever could. “No.”

“You are a fool.”

Any response that Ren has dies in his throat when he feels lips press against his forehead and fingers intertwining with his in a solid grip.

* * *

 

Ren hates feeling vulnerable but that hatred dies quickly in Hux’s company.

He feels entirely too exposed and the fact that he’s quite literally sitting on Hux’s lap only amplifies that feeling.

The grip on his hips is solid and hard, hard enough that he’s certain there will be bruises come tomorrow morning. Hux’s lips are on his throat, teeth grazing against his sensitive skin and leaving yet another mark in their wake.

Ren’s chest is littered with marks already, some fresh some fading. Mark he can’t help but stare at in the mirror when he undresses for the night because it makes this real and far too salient to be easily forgotten.

Yet, despite all this, there’s an underlying gentleness and precision to everything Hux does. Especially the way he kisses him, slow and deep and long enough to take Ren’s breath away and leave him gasping for air once they break apart.

Hux takes his time, moving his hips torturously slow and making Ren cry out every time he shifts angles and thrusts just a little deeper into him. He’s undoing Ren thread by thread and it feels like an absolution.

“Let go.” Hux whispers as their foreheads touch. “Right now in this moment just let go.”

Their breaths mingle as Hux speaks and he sees the exact moment that Ren does as he’s told because he slumps closer to him and moans his name just a little louder. His voice breaks too and it sounds so raw and open that all Hux can do is hold him impossibly close and press chaste kisses to the corner of his lips and jaw.

* * *

 

They don’t sleep together.

It’s an unspoken rule that they have abided until one night when Ren falls asleep in Hux’s bed and Hux can’t find it in himself to wake him up and tell him to leave. Even he isn’t that cruel and heartless.

They fall asleep on opposite sides of the bed, Hux trying to impose some distance between them but when he wakes up the next morning, Ren’s face is pressed against his chest while his own arms are wrapped securely around him, holding him close.

There is no way for him to move without waking Ren so he waits patiently, watching him in the meaning time. He looks far too innocent in his sleep but maybe that’s because he is, or at least once was.

His lashes flutter softly as he stirs and when he looks up at Hux there’s a brief moment of confusion before he remembers why he is here. Hux’s arms tighten around him before he can try to leave and that gesture alone seems to create even more confusion.

“Stay.” Hux offers no explanation, just that one word that somehow manages to makes Ren relax a little.

“We shouldn’t be doing this.” Ren says even though what he actually means to say is ‘this is dangerous,’ because it is. This is so incredibly dangerous because they are no longer toeing the line, they have flung themselves into the abyss and destroyed any means of return.

Except that the abyss is not dark and bleak, it’s full of compassion and softness and maybe that’s the whole entire problem. That’s why the abyss is so dangerous.

There’s a selfish side to it though, it lives in the hungry kiss Ren claims and the way Hux’s fingers dig into his skin to make sure he doesn’t dare leave.

There’s darkness enough when Ren closes his eyes and allows Hux to possess him once again.

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me on tumblr @mallcolmducasse.


End file.
